I Remember Everything
by PrincessRedfern
Summary: "I remember everything." He'd almost forgotten. Almost, but not quite. It all felt so long ago. "Maybe, if I'd met you first..." she'd choked out tearfully. There was a tiny part of him that kept wondering if it were true. But he knew it wasn't.


I Remember Everything

**A/N: HEY GUYS, PRINCESSREDFERN HERE :) SO... IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I POSTED ANYTHING (FAIRLY SURE IT WAS ROCKS...) SO I FIGURED I'D POST SOMETHING I JUST WROTE. IT'S PRETTY SHORT. IT'S NOT MY USUAL THING (VAMPIRE ACADEMY) BUT I HAVE VENTURED INTO THIS FANDOM BEFORE IN MY CROSSOVER, CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE. SO ANYWAY, I JUST KIND OF THOUGHT OF THIS ABOUT AN HOUR AGO, WHILE WATCHING A CLIP FROM THE SEASON FOUR PREMIERE OF VAMPIRE DIARIES. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. IT'S KINDA SHORT AND RUSHED, BUT I WANTED TO GET THE IDEA DOWN BEFORE I FORGOT IT ALL... PLEASE READ AND REVIEW :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Diaries. All rights go to Julie Plec, Kevin Williamson and the CW.**

"You were gonna kill him!" she cried, her anger and disgust clear in her voice.

"Yep... that guy just won't die," he replied bitterly, wishing he could feel what she wanted him to feel; remorse, guilt.

"It was my choice to save him. Why aren't you seeing that?"

That was enough to make him turn around. Didn't she see how sick and tired he was of her stupid choices? Only he would be so stupid to fall for the blind martyr. She was so busy trying to rescue and protect everyone else that she didn't see what was right in front of her; while she was saving her loved ones, there was no one saving her. Except him. He was always there. She knew that of course; knew that he was there, watching over her, keeping her as safe as possible for a doppelganger in Mystic Falls.

"It's a little hard to keep track of all your choices lately, Elena!"

Recognition dawned in her eyes. Did she really not understand why he was so bitter? He'd lost. He had lost everything that meant something to him and he was hurting and in a way it was worse than the hurt he'd felt when Katherine had left. Because this time, he couldn't just turn it all off. Not knowing what he did. She'd somehow, obliviously, gotten him to admit just how much he missed being human and how much he hated himself. He couldn't go back to being what he was, as much as he tried. On the outside, it seemed as if he had reverted to his old self, before Mystic Falls, before her, but he knew it was only a matter of time before (if she didn't already) she would see through his facade and now that she was like him, she would be able to read him so much better. And that terrified him.

When she didn't respond, he turned to walk away. He couldn't deal with this anymore. It hurt too goddamn much.

She sighed before speaking, "I remember everything."

That froze him in his steps. He'd almost forgotten. Almost, but not quite. He'd tried so hard to move on, find closure from that admission of what his heart truly felt. To be honest, it all felt so long ago. So much had happened to change him and her and them. But he knew something else she'd remembered. This he'd been expecting. If he was honest, it had been all she'd thought about since she'd called him to say goodbye, before all this had happened.

"Maybe, if I'd met you first..." she'd choked out tearfully.

But he knew it wasn't true. From the moment they'd met, she'd made it very clear that it would always be Stefan. Even if she'd known the truth, she would have chosen Stefan, the good brother.

"Yeah... maybe," he'd replied, knowing in his heart it wasn't true.

That brief exchange had welled up that memory so many times. He couldn't stop thinking about it and if he were honest, there was a tiny part of him that kept wondering if it were true.

Lost in his own thoughts, he jerked back to reality as she broke the silence between them.

"One of the highlights of my transition: remembering everything that you compelled me to forget."

He turned around, fighting the urge to scoff. The way she said 'everything' implied that he'd compelled her more than twice. That was the one thing he _hated_ about her; she always managed to twist his words and actions, to make him seem worse than he really was.

"I got that you and I met first. You were a stranger that told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life," her tone grew sad, "Damon why didn't you tell me?"

He couldn't help but ask, "Would it have made a difference?"

Her eyes widened slightly as she struggled with how to answer that. That didn't matter. He'd had plenty of practice interpreting her silence. After all the wondering, his question had finally been answered. She looked at him sadly.

"I didn't think so."

A minute ago he hadn't thought it was possible for his voice to sound any more bitter and defeated.

"You asked me to make a choice, Damon, so I did. If you're gonna be bad then take it out on me, not on Stefan or Matt or anyone else, _me_!"

He could hardly bear to look at her. It just hurt so goddamn much and he was sick of it hurting.

"Are we done here?"

She wouldn't let him off that easy. He shouldn't have expected any less. She never did.

"If it had been you at the bridge last night and not Stefan and I had begged you to save Matt-"

He cut her off right then and there, already knowing her question and his answer.

"I would've saved you in a heartbeat, no question!"

She nodded grimly, anger glinting in her eyes, "That's what I thought. And then Matt would be dead because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead!"

"But you wouldn't be!" he cried, not understanding how she couldn't get it.

Did she honestly think he preferred her like this; a vampire... the one thing he hadn't wanted for himself, let alone her! He wanted so many things for her. He'd always wanted so much for her and in the blink of an eye it was gone and for some strange reason, he felt cheated, as if it was his future that had been destroyed in a heartbeat.

"And you would have gotten to grow up," he continued, "And had the life that you wanted and the life that you deserve. And I know that I didn't used to get that but I do now. And I wanted that for you, Elena, and I would have gladly have given it to you and let Matt die because _I am _that selfish. But you knew that already."

The look she gave him told him she knew what was coming. Her eyes pleaded for him to stop talking. But like he'd said, she knew how selfish he was.

"First night we met s'not all that you remember."

His eyes searched hers looking for some flicker of emotion. There was nothing there. Hell, there was plenty of grief and sadness, but not even a hint of the emotion he was looking for.

Damon turned around and walked away, leaving Elena behind him.


End file.
